On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
