Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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