Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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