We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
