scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
