seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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