I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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