I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
