I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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