You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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