3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
