I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
