I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
and she was petting her beer can
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
