new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
