I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
