You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
