You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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