your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm too high and old for this...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
