He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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