even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
