the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
