No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
