Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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