omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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