You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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