His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
