Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
