i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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