chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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