My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
