kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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