i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?