She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.