ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize