I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The feeling are messing with the penis
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.