You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Farmville is her only friend.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.