I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
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did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".