...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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