we have pet lesbian snakes
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
