I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
