True but thats because hes a fetus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
