I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
