He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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