2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
