I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
