Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
