two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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