You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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