How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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