i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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