Kiss
Puke
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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