Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
