yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
