maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
