I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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