During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
