Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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