all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
