I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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