im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
