Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
