He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
