So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
