I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
