Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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