Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
