i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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