More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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