I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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