Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
